11.3
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
We typically love the people with whom we form relationships, but the type of love we have for our family, friends, and lovers differs. Robert Sternbe…
When someone reflects on their social relationships in life, they may think about the those they love. According to Robert Sternberg and his Triangular Theory, there are seven forms of love, outside of nonlove, that may vary from one relationship to another and even over time in the same relationship.
That is, as people go through life, they can connect different components that would then develop into differential expressions—from merely being close friends…to lovers…and enduring life partners.
At the base of one corner is commitment—a cognitive process involving a decision to initiate or maintain a relationship. Without any further effort, the love is “empty”; the individual has simply declared that the relationship exists.
On the other corner is passion—an aroused state of positive absorption in another person. This addictive mode of attraction is often present at the beginning, under the arousing lure of physical looks, cognitive charm, or instinctual impulses.
By itself, the love is an infatuation, whereas combining passion and commitment describes a fatuous love, like a love affair.
From here, there are two sides to ascend; both are capped by intimacy—a closeness or liking that occurs by mutually sharing personal details, feelings, and thoughts, beyond small-talk. This form of self-disclosure ensures a reciprocation that deepens the emotional connection between friends.
On one hand, if deprived of commitment, the relationship is one of purely romantic love. And on the other, without passion, the maturational bond develops into companionate love, a truly deep friendship.
Over time, both people may contribute to the possibility of equity—an equal proportion of giving and receiving.
Ultimately, with all components present—commitment, passion, and intimacy—consummate love has a chance to reign, even as some portions can wax and wane. As other prominent psychologists have noted, for love to endure any inevitable setbacks, the number of positive rewards and interactions must outweigh the negative encounters.
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Q1: What are the three main components of Sternberg's triangular theory of love?
Sternberg's theory identifies three core components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy involves sharing personal details, feelings, and thoughts beyond surface conversation, creating emotional closeness. Passion is an aroused state of physical attraction and positive absorption in another person. Commitment is a cognitive decision to initiate or maintain a relationship. These components combine in different proportions to create seven distinct forms of love.
Q2: How does consummate love differ from other types of love?
Consummate love is the only form containing all three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment working together. While other love types lack one or more components, consummate love represents the ideal relationship where partners share emotional closeness, physical attraction, and mutual dedication. However, even consummate love can fluctuate over time as different components wax and wane throughout a relationship's lifespan.
Q3: What characterizes infatuation and how does it differ from romantic love?
Infatuation consists solely of passion without intimacy or commitment, making it an addictive mode of attraction often present at a relationship's beginning. Romantic love combines passion with intimacy but lacks commitment. When passion and commitment combine without intimacy, it creates fatuous love, such as a love affair. Each configuration produces distinctly different relationship dynamics and emotional experiences.
Q4: What is companionate love and when does it typically develop?
Companionate love combines intimacy and commitment without passion, representing a truly deep friendship characteristic of close family relationships and long-term partnerships. It develops when the initial passion fades but emotional closeness and dedication remain strong. This maturational bond reflects relationships where partners have built mutual trust and emotional connection through sustained self-disclosure and reciprocal sharing of personal experiences.
Q5: How does empty love form and what does it represent?
Empty love occurs when commitment exists without intimacy or passion. In this state, an individual has cognitively decided the relationship exists but has made no further emotional or physical effort. Empty love represents a relationship where partners remain together based on obligation or decision alone, lacking the emotional connection and attraction that characterize other love forms.
Q6: Why do relationships need positive rewards to sustain love over time?
For love to endure inevitable setbacks, the number of positive rewards and interactions must outweigh negative encounters. This balance determines whether relationships survive challenges and continue developing. Understanding social exchange theory cost benefit analysis relationships helps explain why partners maintain motivation to invest in intimacy, passion, and commitment, supporting the relationship's long-term viability.
Q7: How can the same relationship experience different types of love at different life stages?
Sternberg's theory recognizes that love components vary over time within a single relationship. Partners may begin with infatuation dominated by passion, then develop romantic love as intimacy grows. Over years, passion may decrease while commitment and intimacy strengthen, shifting toward companionate love. Understanding this progression helps partners recognize that changing love expressions reflect natural relationship evolution rather than diminished affection or connection.